it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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