I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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