we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
