i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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