She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Fuck appropriateness.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
