these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Come on in and take your pants off
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