I could make wine with my vomit
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
