I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
