He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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