i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Less talking, more tequila
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
