I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
