There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
