i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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