I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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