apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
