kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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