I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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