Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
