You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
