Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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