So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
false alarm. still invincible.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Randomize
