Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
