Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
