Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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