i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
