What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
