Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
