i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
