She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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