I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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