I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
