I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
