20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
