So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
it's like iHOP with fire
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
