every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
