I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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