u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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