Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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