Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I smell like Dick and happiness
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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