fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
