If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I looked at my own cervix.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You took a bar mat shot.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
