i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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