I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
