there's paper in my vomit.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Randomize
