there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
