i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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