I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
