When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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