Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
