so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Michael Bay diarrhea
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
